Journey to Jonas

Beach bound, baby!

2009-08-11T09:27:00.001-04:00

The boy and I are heading out on our first solo adventure. I will post updates and pictures for your viewing pleasure!

Our failed adoption

2009-08-08T10:58:00.008-04:00

Well Helloooooooo there. (waving from across the room) Yes, it has been a while. (walking closer) You got a few minutes? Lets talk. Want some coffee? Tea? Bourbon? Have a seat.

It would be ideal if I could just skip past the drama of the last 6 months, but its probably not a good idea. So, here goes...

December 13, 2008 (yes..2008 OMG its been a long time since I've written here)

Anyway, Dec. 13th I got an email from a social worker at an adoption agency that said, "call me about a birthmom." UH..WHAT? Yeah ok. So, there is this woman, expecting a baby, that wants to make an adoption plan. Are you interested? Ok...freaking out..blah blah blah. Insert details about the mom and her situation...details about the fees etc. We matched , we paid, we met, set up an apartment, took her to doctor appointments, to the laundromat, bought her groceries, saw the ultrasound pictures...got emotionally involved...ugh. This mom had three other girls that she was not parenting. She also said that she had an upcoming courtdate... a sentancing hearing, and that she knew for sure she was going to jail for drug charges. It seemed like this placement was going to happen.

After DAILY communications via text message and weekly face to face meetings with this woman, I developed a connection with her.

Fast forward 4 months.

If I didn't have witnesses I wouldn't believe it myself...but I had an intuition. Saturday April 4th I texted her, "Are you having contractions? I can't explain it but I have this weird feeling." She texted back, "Nah".

We had a plan to take her out to dinner for her birthday that next Monday. I texted her confirming dinner that night and she made some excuse for why she couldn't make it. (which was really bizarre because she was so excited about it...talked about it daily for a week). I let it go.

Tuesday she called me to just chat (I remember she said her back was hurting and I went to school that day thinking ... contractions?).

Wednesday I didn't hear from her at all..which was VERY uncharacteristic. I was seeing clients at work and got another one of those weird feelings. So I got online to see if she was incarcerated. I am not making this up..I swear! So... I am clicking through the Department of Corrections website and there was her god damn picture. She had turned herself in on an open warrant and was in jail.

So I am panicking..she's pregnant, in jail, what about the adoption plan..how will that work out? So I call the social worker, and the attorney and my husband and my mother and I have to see another client in 45 seconds. I got a call back from the attorney later in the afternoon. She contacted the jail, confirmed she was there and set up visitation for the following morning.

So, Thursday rolls around and I am sitting at my husbands desk and my phone rings. Its the attorney. Now this woman is what I call, straight up TCB (takin' care of business) and I was used to her firm, serious tone. Her voice was... different...softer. She said, "Kecia, she had the baby Saturday the 4th." (today was Thursday the 9th).

It was like one of those sucking vortex movie moments, where everything goes backward and all the pieces go together.

I TEXTED HER ON SATURDAY APRIL 4th AND ASKED IF SHE WAS HAVING CONTRACTIONS!

If she had the baby ...where was she? What happened? The attorney went on to explain that she had placed the baby with a relative. She said that the birthmom wanted me to come to the jail so she could talk to me. I was reluctant to agree...I didn't want to go all the way the hell down there just to be told I am not going to ever meet this baby. (who I had named and created a space in my home and in my heart for... who my son asked about and prayed for daily) But ...I agreed to do it. I posted on facebook about that decision and will insert that here:
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"Ok. Here's the deal (as of now)

Attorney went to the jail Thursday am and met with birthmom. Birthmom HAD THE BABY SATURDAY and gave the baby to the aunt to take care of when she turned herself in to the sheriff Tuesday on her open warrants. Bmom FTA on a sentencing hearing in February. She will be in for 2.5 years on old possesion/distribution charges (from 2007..whatever). SOOOOOOOOOOOO

During their conversation birthmom said that she was confused and didn't know what to do. She said she knew that i would be upset and she knew that I could take better care of the baby..but now she doesn't know how to get the baby away from the aunt. She asked the attorney if I would come down there to see her. I said I am not coming all the way down there to see her to tell me she isn't giving me the baby..that would be too hard. Attorney shared that with her. Attorney hung up with me. Attorney called me back on her carride home. Said she seemed humble and genuinely remorseful. She said she really wanted to talk to me about it. I agreed to go.

Here's what I think will happen based on what I know about her and my recent dealings with her. I think she was visiting with family when she went into labor. They did not know she had an adoption plan...they did not know she had warrants and that she was getting ready to serve a 2+ year sentence. I think they all went to the hospital..got ga ga over the baby. She got caught up in the family love fest. (now lets remember I have been providing for her since December. When she didn't have food or a place to go I was the one who stepped in...her family would not help her). Anyway, I think she turned herself in on her charges..she had to, and didn't know what to do now that the baby was with the aunt. I belive that when I go down there..she is going to say she wants me to have the baby. Then I will be the one who has to deal with getting her from the aunt. This has been a pattern..wanting others to take care of her business.

Anyway, so I am going down to the jail today (Friday) with my attorney and a notary and a witness (all required). I am going to talk to her and if she decides she wants to relinquish to me, we will do it right then. THEN the attorney will file to get an ex parte order and head over to the aunts house with police back-up...then we will have the baby.

I could be totally wrong about this...and she will say no way and I will leave. I do not want her to do anything she doesn't want to do..and that includes leaving the baby with family because she felt pressure to.

The best part about this will be having all this nonsense come to an end. We will survive this...we will move on with our lives. If the baby doesn't end up with us, then I have some processing to do , but I will be a better social worker from having gone through this. I will also have a lot of cute baby shit for sale! Also...we will be done. NO more adoptions. Stick a fork in us.

I look forward to the peace that will come after this is done. It has been a long five months. I have learned about how fiercely I love my husband and son and how I have it in me to endure overwhelming challenges in the name of family. I am proud of myself. I am feeling pretty peaceful.

Thanks for your support. Trust me..I know there is nothing you can say to make this better..easier..less crazy or painful. Don't try. Its ok.
Thanks for being our friends.

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Well, I was totally wrong about what would happen. In the end we learned that she never intented to place with us. Her primary occupation was drug dealing before she learned she was pregnant. She decided to hook up with the adoption agency to get her expenses paid while she was preggers so she didn't have to "deal" and risk getting arrested while pregnant and have to have the baby in jail. Nice, huh?

So here we are August 8th.

Last month... LAST MONTH I deconstructed the nursery. I have stopped scouring myspace (birthmom gave me her myspace address so I could see pics of her other kids) for pictures of this baby. August 4th went by without me thinking that the baby was 4 months old ( I just realized this). Jonas asked last week if we were going to pick up Jayda. It was the first time I said to him, "Honey, Jayda is not going to come live with us. She is going to live with another family, and he heard it." He said, "Ok Mommy". I think it was the first time I really heard it too. And I was ok.

I don't have a big, "It all happens for a reason" speech to give. I have accepted what has happened and we are moving on. We danced around the adoption websites looking for a situation that would fit us. The truth is that we spent all the money we had on this situation and it failed. There is no more money for adoption. That is that.

I do not know if we will try again to add to our family. For now, we have closed the door....but there is still a little light creeping out from underneath.

Thanks for reading.

Coming up for air

2009-05-15T21:12:00.001-04:00

My presence in the blogosphere has been lacking.... I am working up the nerve to tell the story of the last few months.

Jonas is thriving, a dream come true, the love of my life.

More to come. Thanks for your patience.

New pics and a video

2009-03-08T22:45:00.009-04:00

Jonasisms

2009-02-15T20:34:00.005-05:00

Sorry I've been slacking. Totally overwhelmed with my life right now. 9 weeks left of grad school, and this domestic adoption that has been far more difficult than Jonas's adoption ever was. But here are a few gems my little prince has shared in the past few weeks.

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The scene: On the way out of the door to the park.

"Mommy!"

"Yes son"

"I'm gonna take my butt."

"What?"

"I'm gonna take my butt to the park."

"Oh, ok."

"Mommy!"

"Yes son"

"I'm gonna bring my penis too!"

"Good idea son."

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The scene: Lying in bed saying our bedtime prayers

"Dear God" he repeats "Dear God"

"Thank you for my life" he repeats "Thank you for my life"

"Thank you for Daddy....Mommy...friends etc."

"I love you God, amen" he repeats " I love you God, amen"

(a few beats of silence) then he says...

"Dear God, you are very helpful."

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When I realized I was a grown-up

2009-01-24T22:54:00.001-05:00

I realized I was a grown up when my husband and I bought our first home. I remember one evening brining groceries in and I stopped him on the front steps and said, "Isn't it weird that we get to live here by ourselves?"

Update on the whole penis thing

2009-01-20T00:27:00.002-05:00

Today in the car coming home from daycare:

"Mommy!"

"yes, son"

"Miss Elisha has a ba-giant, not a penis"

"A ba-giant?"

"Yes Mommy, a ba-giant"

"Do you have a ba-giant mommy?"

So, here's where its funny to be me. Do I say, well yes honey, I have a ba-giant. Or do I sound out VA-GI-NA. Honey, mommy has a VA-GI-NA. Here I am cruising down the road, yelling and sounding out VAGINA, VAGINA, not BA-GIANT Honey. Can you say that? VA GI NA... I don't know if I can do it.

"Yes, sweetie. Mommy has a ba-giant"
(As does Miss Elisha by the way).

Do I have a penis?

2009-01-14T13:42:00.003-05:00

This morning:

Me..walking past Jonas's room to get his clothes together for the day.

"Mommy!"
"Yes dear..good morning"
"Good Morning Mommy!"
"Come lay down with me Mommy!"
"Ok"

So I go in and snuggle up with him. Ok, first I asked him if he was wet and passed my hand over the sheet...then I got in bed.
We lay there quietly, enjoying the snuggly quiet of the morning. After a few moments...

"Mommy?"
"Yes, son"
"Do I have a penis?"
"Yes, you do have a penis"
"Does daddy have a penis"
"Yes, daddy has a penis"

a pause

"Does Miss Elisha have a penis?"

Ok. here's where it gets funny to be me. Cause I am all... Miss Elisha PROBABLY doesn't have a penis. But if she did that would be ok. (Miss Elisha is his daycare teacher and a hot little blonde number). Now really if she has a penis that would be her private business, so should we really be discussing this anyway? So I ponder if I should say, boys have penises and girls have vagina's? Well, what about those people who have the wrong parts...you know, transgendered folks. Its hard work being me and being so open an accepting. I don't want to give him the impression that it would be wrong for Miss Elisha to have a penis... or to automatically ASSUME she has a vagina.

"I don't think Miss Elisha has a penis honey, maybe you should ask her today at school".

Random Rantings

2008-12-28T00:46:00.003-05:00

Christmas morning...

I enter the hallway in front of Jonas's (jonases..jonas'???) room.
I turn to look in the door and I see :

1. diaper on the floor
2. pj pants
3. pj top
4. empty toddler bed
5. one nekked guatemalan boy with a train hat on , lying on the floor wrapped up in a blanket.

Uh...ok.

Someone call for a nekked boy burrito? He was just lying there, sucking his thumb. "good morning mommy". Like... hey, this is our new christmas tradition... naked on the floor sleeping...didn't you get the memo?

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It occurred to me today that I will have a 13 year old and a 16 year old at the same time. Can I please time travel to the future to remind myself to take my anti-depressants?

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I bought my husband a dutch oven for christmas. I think that officially makes me the lamest wife in the universe. (does it make up for it that I bought him some AXE body spray? ) (no?...makes it worse?) Oh well.

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Technically, I am five months pregnant (on paper)...so technically, I can totally have as much ice cream as I want. What? .. It doesn't count? But what if ... oh forget it.

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Would it be wrong for me to.... oh nevermind. If I start the sentance with, "would it be wrong" it probably is.

Uh..I'm listening

2008-12-20T08:06:00.003-05:00

So yesterday I dropped J off at "school". When I have time, I sit an hang for a little while. I usually sit on a glider near the door and read books to the snotty nosed kids..they are for some reason the only ones who are drawn to me. Anyhoo, this time, my favorite of the little girls came up to me with a book about a kitty. (I adore this child, she is so cute and has this little tiny voice...agh) Anyway, I am sitting there reading...she is sitting on my leg. She turned to look at me, took her hand and stroked my face and said, " You are a beautiful princess."

OH. MY. GAWD.

Is that what little girls are like?

I thought I was going to dissolve like one of those alka-seltzer tablets right there in that glider.

I have been having a lot of anxiety about raising a girl. One of my friends who has three kiddos said. " I have two boys, and they are awesome. But having a girl.. its indescribable."

I guess we'll see!

Do they make light up shoes for grown-ups?

2008-12-17T18:55:00.002-05:00

Seriously, this is the cutest picture ever! My MIL sent

Jonas these scrubs today. Now I just need to buy G

some light-up Thomas the Tank Engine shoes!

And in other news, I meet with the adoption attorney tomorrow morning at 9:30.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Exciting news

2008-12-14T12:39:00.003-05:00

So..uh. We are having a baby! Sort of. We have been matched with a birthmother who is carrying a girl and she is due in April. OH MY GOODNESS.

Soooooo, as we all know, it takes a village to raise a child. It also (as we know too well), takes a village to afford an adoption.

I have added a paypal button to the sidebar of this blog. Seriously, I know you don't have any money...neither do we. But if you find some change in your cushions, consider sending it our way. It will go to a great cause! : 0 )

Blessings,
Kecia

PS. I have video of Jonas saying, "I wanna be a big brudder", but I thought it was tooooo Sally Struthers begging for money, so I will just leave that up to your imagination!

Ok...I'm gonna go throw up now...or eat some pickles and ice cream...holy crap!

My heart hurts and my tummy feels sick.

2008-12-11T14:50:00.003-05:00

Ok, so this is a horrible, horrible story. This family was just a month away from bringing their beautiful child home from Guatemala. The child and her foster family were murdered during a home invasion. No details are available at this time. Please read below to help support this family.

My God. This is unthinkable. Hug your children tight tonight.

The Azhderian Family still owe alot from the adoption of Josi. They just sent the last payment for Josi a few weeks ago of $12,800. This horrible tradgedy should never have to happen to any family and then have to end up paying for an adoption when their child will never come home to them.If you are like me and want to do something for this sweet family and do not know what to do, here is a wonderful way to honor precious Josi. They have a chip in button on their blog you can donate any amount to in Josi's name. I am praying that God will help them not have to worry about the financial end of this with all that they are going through right now.If you want to help me with the memorial fund for Josi please post this on your blog, spread the word to all your adoption friends, or you can send them to my blog. I think together we all can show our love to Azhderian family in their time of crisis. Chip in button is on their blog or click it below. I know money is tight but please help if you can.

Sounds of the season

2008-11-29T12:47:00.001-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T12:44:00.001-05:00

Random thoughts whilst I avoid paper writing.

2008-11-23T16:15:00.002-05:00

The setting: Kitchen, breakfast time
Jonas was sitting in his booster chair eating breakfast. G and I were rushing around packing lunches, making our own breakfasts and we both ended up in the same cabinet. We were joking around fighting over a protein bar...totally not thinking about how we sounded.

G: "Hey, I want that"
me: "No, its mine, I want it."
G: "mine, mine"
me: "gimme gimme"
Jonas: "HEY GUYS! You have to take turns, you have to share!"
G and I: hysterical snot out of nose laughter.
Jonas: "See, that's better."

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The setting: Bedtime, Jonas's room
(not sure if I wrote about this or not)

Every night before bed, we read J stories. Regardless of which stories we read, we have to read Sam I Am. We have been doing this for about a year now.

me: "Ready for Sam I Am"?
Jonas: (head nod, thumb in mouth)
me: "I am Sam"
me: "Sam I Am"
Jonas: Gently touching my arm, "Let me try mommy, let me try."
Jonas: "that sam I am, that sam I am. I do not like that sam I am".

He went on like that for a page and a half.

me: "Would you like ...."
Jonas: Interrupting. " No mommy, let me try it. I want to read it."

and so it went. He got all the way to "would you like it in the rain" and the sleepy's took over.
One of the cutest moments ever!

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The setting: Kitchen

Jonas places the red mesh hamper thingy over his head.

Jonas: "To infinity and beyond*" and runs around the kitchen with his "wings" out.
*Toy Story reference for those that are Disney impaired
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Ok. back to work. Two more weeks of the semester, then I have a whole month off! wooo hooo

Canadians are pushy!

2008-11-17T22:44:00.006-05:00

Please be patient...last three weeks of the semester..I am OVER LOADED. Here are some pictures and a video for a very pushy canadian woman I know! Enjoy!

This video contains sugar free footage...believe it or not.

For the doubters

2008-10-26T15:04:00.004-04:00

Pumpkin fever

2008-10-25T21:42:00.005-04:00

Hola. So today we went to this really cool (ha) pumpkin festival. There were cannons shooting pumpkins, performing pigs, 150 craft booths (I didn't look at a single one), many food options (which almost killed me as I am on day 7 of the South Beach Effin Diet), pony rides....you get the picture.

Well, it was a warm, WARM day here in Florida. Jonas was fairly perky when we got there. But after awhile he didn't want to do anything but sit in the stroller. Usually when I ask him to smile for pictures he is a real ham, but he just looked sad (see new header picture). So we decided that he was tired,and we left. When we got home, he felt really warm to me. I took his temp and it was 102.4. OMG. So I basically drug my poor child through the pumpkin festival with a temp and it was already hot outside. I made sure he drank lots of fluids, and gave him some motrin. About an hour later he was totally back to normal. Sigh.

I have no idea why we are so obsessed with him yelling, "YEE HAW", but here's a video from the pony riding portion of the day. (This was one of the first things we did, I think he was feeling pretty good here.)

Just cuz

2008-10-24T02:17:00.003-04:00

Have a happy Friday!

Mommy Magic

2008-10-18T22:53:00.002-04:00

For several months now, G and Jonas have been going to inflate world ( we called it bouncey) for an evening of bouncey awesomeness every Friday night. Friday night I work at my internship till about 7pm and then I go home to unwind. This particular night I couldn't get my boys out of my head. So, when I wrapped things up with my last client, I loaded up my stuff and headed out to bouncey. I felt this strange sense of urgency to get there.

I parked next to G's truck and I walked, and then ran into the building. I entered the first room and turned right and ran right into my guys. Geoffrey was holding Jonas...G looked at me and said, "It's bad". I then noticed that Jonas was sobbing. I moved behind G so I could see J's face and it was bleeding. As soon as he saw me he held out his arms. I grabbed him and we walked out of the circus like space into the calm of the front room. My boy was sobbing, blood trickling down his lip, onto his chin. I asked for a wet paper towel. When J gets upset, he does this, head twisting thing that really sucks to watch. He is so present in his fear and saddness. I asked the woman behind the counter if she had any bubbles..I knew I needed for him to slow down his breathing. No bubbles. I pulled my hair out of my headband and had him blow my bangs out of my face. We did that for a few minutes and he calmed down. I knew I just needed to hold him till it passed. With tears still streaming down his face, he looked at me and said, "I'm happy Mommy."

I don't know what he meant. He was not scared anymore, he didn't want me to be scared. But what he said to me was this:

I got hurt and my mommy magically appeared. I am happy mommy...that you were here when I needed you.

Now, I know as well as you do that Geoffrey would have handled all of this just perfectly without me there. But that I got to be there...that I was led there...

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I had a dream a few nights ago where Jonas and I were in a body of water. I saw that a shark was coming. I threw Jonas away from the shark and sucessfully averted any harm. Once I got to where he was and was holding him close, someone came by and cut him with a sharks tooth on purpose. I was distraught, so much so that it woke me. I sat up in the bed and began to cry. What is the lesson? I can do everything in my power to keep this child safe, but sometimes, bad things are just going to happen. I can be there to help heal the wounds.

I can only imagine that life will be full for this child. I cannot spend too much time thinking about all the ways to prevent him from experiencing pain. For me, pain was just one part of the journey to who I am now. Denying him the experience of deep saddness and moving through struggles would be a crime.

I just hope he remembers that when he is scared and hurt, that I will always be here to hold him till it passes.

Practical Parenting

2008-10-05T23:35:00.005-04:00

The economic crisis is real and it is hitting home. Instead of worrying about it, I have decided to just teach my child some practical skills. We are starting out with the "how to sleep on a park bench and stay warm" skill. Please note that he is covered in the Christian Science Monitor...so...it will have to be an upscale park bench.

A boy and his cat

2008-10-03T23:45:00.004-04:00

So, I am posting this very, very long video because I am so

full of joy over the amount of empathy my son has. The dialogue

pretty much goes like this:

Sadie : Meow (can I go into the garage?)

Jonas: are you hungry?

Sadie: Meow (of course but..can I go into the garage?)

Jonas: What's wrong?

Sadie: Meow (seriously, can I go into the GARAGE?)

Jonas: Ahhhh

Sadie: Meow (look dude...I just wanna go in the garage!)

Jonas: You're OK

This continues until he remembers that he doesn't really

love cats, he loves Thomas the Tank Engine.

Communication Explosion

2008-09-25T19:57:00.006-04:00

So, my boy...he is not just talking, he is communicating. He is also singing a lot. He sings in the car all the way to school. He sings on the potty, he sings while he plays. Its so cool when we can recognize a song. I'll try to get some video of him singing for you.

Tonight, I was filling the tub preparing for his bath; he was in the playroom. I yelled, "Come on Jonas, time for your bath." He responded, "Just a minute mommy." I SWEAR... I almost fell in the tub laughing. I managed to gather enough breath to say, "What are you doin'?". He pops his head around the corner... "I'm fishin'."

This video was taken a month or so ago while we were watching the Spiderwick Chronicles. Jonas was instructing something to "go away". I don't remember what.

Random Shots, your welcome

2008-09-22T22:54:00.005-04:00

Yeah, I'm ridin' in the kitchen

MY NEW BIKE RULES!

Uhmmm...yeah, I totally think Obama should be president.

The elusive mommy shot

Holding on tight at the river

I know, more pictures please

2008-08-21T23:39:00.000-04:00

Hey, I know! I'll post some yummy new pictures this weekend...geesh, keep your pants on!

Oh, Hai

2008-08-19T16:14:00.002-04:00

Last night at 1:45am I heard.... "click" the sound of the baby gate. G asked if I heard it, I told him I would go make sure one of the dogs hadn't gotten past the gate and into Jonas's room. I climb out of bed, pass through the living room and I am greeted with, "Oh"... "Hi Mommy". My child climbed out of his crib, left his room and made his way past the gate. I yell to G, "we have bigger problems than dogs in the boy's room!" I swooped Jonas up and went back into his room. He had thrown his blanket and pillow on the ground. I can only imagine he had the foresight to use it as a landing pad. G made his way into the room. I swear he almost looked proud. He said, "show me how you did that". So I put Jonas back in the crib and he proceeded to lift his leg onto the top rail and hoist himself up. HMPFH. I seriously thought I had another year of this crib thing.

Luckily we have a pack n play set up in our bedroom for hasty storage of a toddler. We got him to fall asleep pretty quickly.

So, today I purchased a toddler bed and another baby gate. I have no idea how he is going to react to this bed. I am going to super duper toddler proof the room. I'll let you know how it goes.

Can you home school for college?

2008-08-10T09:09:00.008-04:00

Sleep is upon us. The boy has re-integrated into his old happy "nite nite mommy" mode of retiring for the evening. This is a beautiful thing, in ways I know I will never be able to articulate here.

This child, this beautiful boy child of mine, is awakening into this VERY present, charming, free spirit of a person. There are these moments when Jonas does or says something and G and I look at each other and just shake our heads in wonder. I swear it is other worldly when he does these things..chimes go off and the picture gets all fuzzy like there is a weird filter on the lens of my life. (the following examples may seem trivial to many and glorious to few)

Sitting at the dinner table, by dinner I mean mcnug's (thanks Jaden) as a snack before going to inflate world G tosses his cup into the trashcan and Jonas says ( I swear to Buddha), "Good throw dawdy!" (Dawdy is the new daddy for those not paying attention.

Jonas spotted the letter "P" yesterday. G asked, "what letter is this?" Jonas replied, "P". "P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Syndey". UH..What? OH! Yeah, we have watched Finding Nemo one or forty-two billion times, but still!

Ok, so both examples include either terrible nutrition or terrible parenting in the form of watching Disney movies... too bad.

Last night, while watching the Olympics, one of those (you know the kind) commercials came on television. This one showed the mom helping the daughter decorate her dorm room at college...and the mom had to leave the child at the school and go back home. (You mean they don't have the adjoining suite for the mother...uh... huh? Oh na'uh I will SO be living on campus with him.) I looked at G , shook my head and said OH MY.... he wouldn't even let me finish. He said, "we will not speak of this for this is not something we shall speak of." shew. Ok, good. Denial is my favorite form of dealing with the potential/inevitable growing up and growing away from me (that is totally my job to prepare him for and the entire goal of parenthood) that my child will do. UGH

Ok. I have pictures of all sorts of fun things. I'll get to it this week.

Thanks for tuning in.

Runnin' on empty

2008-07-24T10:11:00.003-04:00

Hola Mi Amigos

I am currently living in funky town. I am angry and depressed and majorly stressed out. My kiddo decided about two weeks ago that he will not sleep unless I am in the room with him. I feel trapped and powerless and frustrated; ineffective and overwhelmed.

I have come to the conclusion that I need some professional help to deal with this sleep situation. Its BAD. I have read that when going through developmental growth that they (kiddos) will regress in other areas, but this is CRAZY. When we leave him, he screams bloody murder. Whats worse, he can now say words. So he will scream PEE PEE POTTY, or MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMY. It makes me want to stick spears in my ears.

Additionally, I have realized that (as I wrote somewhere else) that I am attempting to pour water from an empty vessel. I cannot give and give of myself without replenishing and expect to be a sane person. So... I need to figure out how to "fill up". If you have any ideas, let me know.

Jonas' myspace photo

2008-07-10T00:27:00.003-04:00

Ok, this picture is very funny for several reasons:

1. It looks like a self portrait.

2. He looks totally gangsta.

3. He wore this hat and glasses for 4 hours straight. He has never worn them

before or since.

4. I feel kind of scared of him when I look at it...like he could totally kick my ass.

Getting the hang of it

2008-07-10T00:10:00.006-04:00

So, G and I had an appointment tonight with a financial planner. Now, I know you are thinking... don't you have to have money to plan something of the financial nature? Yeah, yeah we know that and the short man with the initials on his cuffs and the very fancy cuff links told us that too. (BTW, its odd to me that people with money think its "fancy" to have shirts with no buttons on the sleeve...that really is a sign of like, oh shit I lost a button and I don't have any money to buy another one so I'll stick something shiny in it to hold it together) but I digress. The real story is about how I had to take a toddler to a one hour meeting about our not having any money to plan for.

Here's what I did:

I brought the portable dvd player (with the power source!)
I brought the Finding Nemo DVD
I brought apple slices
I brought juice boxes
I brought a box of raisins
I brought his stroller
I brought (SHUT UP) chicken McNuggets (thanks for raisin' them yummy chicks Jaden)

I got to the meeting early, asked if I could go into the room where we would meet to set up. I plugged and arranged and pushed play and my kiddo didn't make a peep for the entire hour. Well, except to yell, "SCAWY FISH" and "OH NO" and "DORWY".

I RAWK!

PS. I know a really great financial planner if you have any money to plan for in a financial way.

Tightrope

2008-07-01T09:26:00.004-04:00

G: I read your blog today.
Me: (he did? cool...uh oh! he read the blog)
G: Is there any particular reason why you want planet earth to think I am a wife beater?
Me: (uh oh)
G: Do you have anything you'd like to say on there that would alert homeland security about me, or the DEA? Could you go ahead and post that stuff right away?
Me: Apparently you have come across a post you did not enjoy. (cringe)
G: Can you delete posts?
Me: Well, I have to consult the managing editor.
G: (not amused)
Me: Yes.

Well, I've had my first lesson in Blogging 101: Your family may not appreciate the same level of transparency that you do.

HUH? You mean there are people who don't want their private stuff all strung out there like grannies panties on the clothesline? Hmph.

I wrote this post and my sweet husband isn't reveling in his moment of sarcastic glory. He is (understandably) concerned that you all think he is a monster. He took a risk and acted a fool and I basically paraded him around school with his pants down. So...Here is my public apology.

Sorry baby, didn't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel like your privacy was violated!

I believe this boundary is one that many, many bloggers are learning to traverse (without a net) on the net. I will do my best to hold my pole straighter, or at least warn them if I'm gonna tell the whole planet their bees wax!

Twins on Tuesday

2008-06-27T15:26:00.000-04:00

Hi.
Right to business here.

G and I have decided to actively pursue another adoption..Domestic this time.

Well, in standard A-family fashion, I scour the internets for resources, contacts, etc... I put feelers out here and there and WHAM!! I get an email yesterday thatstates the following... " Would you be interested in 7 month old twin girls,please let us know asap." UHHHHHH HuH? Of course my dear husband (who obviously, and for no good reason, sees his wife as wonder woman) says, YES YES YES, that would be SOOOOOOOOOOOO awesome.

So I email the social worker back... we exchange a few emails, a phone call. ThenI hear, "Oh by the way, she's signing the TPR Monday, so you'll needto travel no later than TUESDAY."

I think, Tuesday of The week that is theCOMING week on the calendar in the month I am CURRENTLY living in, in the year of2008, on planet Earth?

Suffice it to say that we are not going to be having twins on Tuesday. There isNO WAY something that happens this fast can be the right thing to do. I am assuredthat there are other interested families and I need not feel guilty about not being ready.

So I guess the moral of the story is that we need to get our butts in gear and makesure we really mean it when we say we want to add to our family. Apparently, the universe is taking us VERY SERIOUSLY.

Get a spatula

2008-06-23T00:32:00.002-04:00

I need someone to scoop me up off of the floor please.

J and I were in the playroom. I was sitting in the glider...gliding. He was playing with his kitchen set. He walked over to me and gestured to get up into my lap. I picked him up and held him for a few seconds, he turned to look at me and said..... ready? "I love you". Just like that, no prompting...looked me right in the eyes and then made his I'm-ready-to-kiss-you-now face. I gave him a smooch, said I love you too, and off he scampered.

I tried to hide from him that I was sobbing.

Who knew someone so small could make such a big impact on my life. This momma thing is good!

Gotcha

2008-06-21T12:27:00.002-04:00

Today is the one year anniversay of bringing our beautiful boy home from Guatemala. Who knew that time would pass so quickly? The joy and meaning in our lives has increased immeasurably. Grateful is too wimpy of a word to use. We are humbled and honored to be given the opportunity to parent this boy. He is a shining light and has made me a better person.

PEE PEE ON THE POTTY

2008-06-19T23:21:00.003-04:00

So this afternoon, whilst giving my darling boy a bath...he reaches for "the goods", looks at me and says, "Pee pee on the potty." I think I just smiled and nodded, I truly wasn't paying attention. He said again, "Pee pee potty!" "You want to pee pee on the potty?" "YES!"

I stand up, grab him under the pitts and place his slippery hiney on the potty. I am squatting in front of him, holding him on the seat. He's looking down at "mr. winky"..... I'm looking at "mr. winky" and lo and behold.... dribble, dribble. I exclaim, "PEE PEE"..."Good job, you are such a big boy" He BEAMED! He reached over and flushed, I asked if he was finished and he nodded. As soon as his feet hit the floor he says, "More pee pee potty". I thought to myself, "self... this may be a on and off the potty game here....but if its not..." So I put him back on the pot. To both of our delight, a stream...yes folks, a stream. I shouted all the encouraging words I could articulate, he squealed with delight...a good time was had by all.

Watching him on the potty was really kind of intense. It made me think about how hard it is to let go. Seriously, he learned, in the tiniest way...that its ok to let go. Of course, his lesson was just about urine this time, but it was the first of many opportunites to let go he is going to have in his life. I hope to be a part of those lessons....maybe not so much in a I'm-holding-you-by-the-armpits-watching-you-pee kind of way, but an equally significant way. It was about letting go for me too. It hit me that my entire job is teaching this kiddo how to depend on himself... to not need me at all. I think this must be the hardest part of mothering; a part that not all moms do very well. I really want my kiddo to be independant and self assured, to take off running and not look back; trusting that I will be there when he turns around. (Sigh)

Later..much, much later after dinner etc.. I put one of those, smaller kiddo potty seats onto his toilet. We got toward the back of the house, to go get ready for bed and I asked if he had to go "pee pee potty". He squealed, YES!! So this time he had a seat with handles he could hold on to, which was nice...for both of us.

He did his business. I said, you know, you can poop on the potty too! Do you know, my child loves me so much, he squeezed out a little gem for me...right then. I was so proud... I swear I almost cried.

Happy Fathers Day

2008-06-15T14:09:00.012-04:00

He will grow and flourish because of the love he sees in your eyes

He will learn to love people even when they are stinky

He will treasure the important stuff

He will be grateful to be on this important journey with you

(pick up trip)

He will always look to you for guidance

(second visit)

He will always feel safe with you

He will trust you always

He will be a better man, because you showed him

that crying is something real men do
(first time you ever held him)

Mmm tasty, guess I'll pee on it now.

2008-06-13T22:56:00.002-04:00

Can someone please explain to me why when my dogs do something naughty like, cruise the counter, snag a loaf of bread and devour it, that they insist on urinating on the packaging? I mean, what if we did that?

G and I went out to an awesome sushi restaurant... LOVED it, best sushi we've had in a while. What if when we were finished, to show our appreciation for this amazing meal, we stood on the table and peed all over the dishes. Seriously, what is the point?

Mom, don't read this post

2008-06-12T21:39:00.003-04:00

Watching the results show for So you think you can dance. G is in the kitchen with the dishwasher running, I am on the couch. For clarity sake, "Stick up your butt" is a dancer on the show (one of the judges said he danced like he had a stick up his butt).

Me: hey, its stick up your butt

G: what

Me: Its stick up your butt

G: WHAT?

Me: IT'S THE GUY WITH THE STICK UP HIS BUTT

G: DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU

Me: disolving into hysterical, blackout inducing laughter

This is only funny if you know my husband. He removes worms from the sidewalk when it has rained really hard.

Please don't be what I think you are

2008-06-12T12:32:00.003-04:00

One week ago, my dear sweet boy was put down for a nap, like he always is, and drifted off to dreamland with the sound of his ocean machine lulling him into blissful dreamtime splendor. Wait...let me back up. His daddy put him down for a nap...WITH NO PANTS ON. A few hours goes by and I hear him stirring through the monitor. I usually let it go for awhile, depending on the noises he is making as sometimes he falls back to sleep. Well, I had one of those mommy moments...you know, the ones that say, "Psst, you better get yer ass in there cuz something is going on." Yeah, that kind of moment. I calmly walk to the "baby wing" of the house, pass the doggie gate, hand on door handle, ease open the door and see that my beautiful son is sitting up in his crib, sans diaper, playing with SOMETHING.... Something BROWN!

My god, the human brain is well equipt for trauma, DENIAL was my first response, I flipped through the rolodex of possible substances, no way could that be what I think it is, I said aloud, "Please don't be what I think you are!" I flip on the light, OMFG you are what i think you are. Hands COVERED, fingernails caked, little mudpies everywhere, he was actively pulling apart a little nugget when I finally looked at his face. The first thing I did was look at his mouth and asked him to smile... I am pretty sure none of it went in, but we did brush our teeth, TWICE.

I like to think he's going to be a pathologist and he was doing his first bit of research.

So, I yell, "I'M HAVING AN EMERGENCY!!" I remove the child from the crib and place him directly into the bathtub. So... do you fill up the tub w/ water and let him soak in the poop water? Do you just rinse? So many choices! I ended up filling up, scrubbing, draining water, rinsing out tub and then filled up the tub again with clean water.

I called my sweet husband, detailed the events and his response was, "We will speak of this to noone!"

Yeah, right!

I know, I don't call, I don't write

2008-06-03T21:09:00.001-04:00

We are busy having fun. We've been to the pool, to the beach, to disney. I will update this weekend I promise!

Latest dance craze

2008-04-30T17:00:00.002-04:00

Its been awhile since you've seen

the fanciful stylings of

our solid gold dancer

in action.....Enjoy!

Birthday Pics

2008-04-28T16:16:00.004-04:00

The obligatory cake shot

This shot clearly demonstrates the frenetic energy

involved when a two year old has a bunch of balloons

Bouncy place video

2008-04-28T16:01:00.006-04:00

Bounce much?

2008-04-22T08:54:00.004-04:00

I know, I know, I haven't posted any birthday party pictures yet. You'll have to just hold your horses. The truth is, the camera is in the car and I'm too lazy to go get it. But let me tell you why the camera is in the car. G, J and I went to (horn section please...da da da da) INFLATE WORLD. Ok, get yer mind out of the gutter! Inflate world is this insane wharehouse space nearby that is full of GINORMOUS inflatable bouncy, slidey, crawl-through thingys. OMFG.

I saw a write up in a local-throw-the-damn-paper-in-your-yard-whether-you-like-it-or-not situations. It was amazing and Jonas had a blast. Too bad his fat out of shape parents were so fat and out of shape, because even grown ups can play!!! I swear to you there was this...this...monstrosity the height of the ruins in Tikal that my kid climbed up and slid down by himself . (ok, so it was only like thirty feet tall..but whatever, gosh!) He grinned and giggled for an hour straight. Yes there were squeals of delight and that crazy "girl scream" too. He was definately the littlest one there, but the other kids were kind enough not to squash him. The little girls kept helping him stand up..it was so awesome. So after an hour we had to drag my exhausted kid out of there, ok, we were exhausted too. But we will soooooooooooo go back there, with some skinny, in-shape surrogate parents who will bounce and play with my kiddo till he throws up!

Yeah, yeah, I took pictures of that too, you'll just have to wait.

I'm going to jail

2008-04-15T19:53:00.003-04:00

Would it be wrong to throw the two hardworking men in front of my neighbors house into their freaking WOODCHIPPER THAT IS GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING AT 8:00 at night KEEPING MY BABY AWAKE?????? ok, deep breath. Would it be an issue for anyone if I shoved their WHIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING LEAF BLOWERS WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE??? Ok, I'm a little stressed. You would think my standing on the sidewalk with my arms crossed making an ugly face would make a difference, wouldn't you? WOULDN'T YOU??

sigh

I think they are done. Ok. good nite

The party was great

2008-04-13T22:22:00.002-04:00

Jonas's birthday party was a big success! He had a great time with some wonderful friends and family. He made out like a bandit in the gift department, but he's getting ready to learn about getting rid of (donating to charity) the amount of toys equal to the new ones he got. I don't know that he will understand that this year...but this will be one of our traditions.

My mom got him the "smash" cake but my lovely, sweet, well mannered boy demanded a fork to eat his cake with! (I was so proud)

The after cake-scream-like-a-banshee-run-around-the-house-like-a-maniac portion of the afternoon was probably my favorite part. There were only four kids in all two 3 yr old, jonas and a 14 month old (Jonas was the only boy). We will definately do an outside of the house deal next year so the running and screaming can be boundary-less.

I will post pics in a couple of days...wrapping up the last two weeks of school for the semester!!!

My baby is two, her baby is two

2008-04-09T22:00:00.002-04:00

Unbeliveable...time is going by so quickly. We didn't make a huge deal about today as we are having a big party on Saturday. I did however uncontrollably sob several times today thinking about his birthmother. We are starting the tradition of lighting a candle for her (one of those big candles in a glass container) on his birthday, to honor her and her bittersweet decision to let the universe find him a new family. I imagine she is thinking of him and wondering who he is, how he is....where he is. I wish I could tell her that he is safe and happy and loved. I wish I could thank her for the sacrifice she made, the immeasurable gift she gave to me, to her son and my husband. I know she did what she did out of love, so he could have opportunities that she could not give him, but how in the world do you make the choice to send your child away, to people and places you will never know? She must have a strong faith, or a strong will...or both. Nonetheless, I will be forever grateful to you J.D-C.F., your baby is safe and loved and we will remember you to him when the time is right and he can appreciate the gift you gave to him.

Giggles and the field trip

2008-04-05T20:16:00.003-04:00

Waiting for the train with Jennie

Engineer Jonas at the controls.

It looks like a regular sized train doesn't it?

Here's a silly video for your enjoyment

Silly Sunday

2008-03-30T17:07:00.003-04:00

I don't even have to say " say cheese" to get this face from him!

Geoffrey is spraying him with water.

He did it five or six times...EVERYTIME,

Jonas would say..."AGAIN".

No way is he gonna be TWO

2008-03-25T23:22:00.004-04:00

I found this picture today. It was taken February 2007 on

our second trip to Guatemala. I can't believe this tiny baby

is going to be TWO YEARS OLD

in two weeks. Somebody hit PAUSE please!

Recovered memories

2008-03-23T22:31:00.008-04:00

These pictures were taken on a trip up north in August of 2007. I can't believe how little Jonas is in these shots. What is harder to believe is that I let him get so damn close to those sheep!

Groceries

2008-03-16T17:45:00.002-04:00

Yes, its a lot of handsoap. They were on sale for $1.00 a piece!

Just Sunday

2008-03-16T15:52:00.008-04:00

If I feed you will you let me ride you?

Hmmmmmmmmm.

This is a wet butt from the slide,

for all of you thinking I let my kiddo

run around with pee pee pants..shame on you!

I am awesome!

The answer was yes!

JUST STAND THERE... DON'T TOUCH IT!!

2008-03-14T19:22:00.003-04:00

So, Daddy went fishing today and brought back dinner!

Had to get a shot of his spoil and his boy. If this were

smell-a-vision your eyes would be watering cause this

man STUNK! Jonas is not smiling because he is breathing

through his mouth cuz his daddy SMELLED SOOOO BADLY!

Three things

2008-03-12T01:24:00.002-04:00

1. Jonas is totally calling me Mommy now. He calls to me... "mommy" etc..
I cry EVERY TIME.

2. Today he was riding on a wooden "hobby" horse thingy, he turned his head to look at me and smiled and said, "YEE HAW"!. I have NO IDEA how he came up with that.

3. Today we were drawing on one of those magnetic-draw a picture-swipe it away thingys. I drew a picture of a doggie.... "OOOOOH DOOOGIE". He erased it. I asked if he wanted me to draw another one, "YES". I draw another one, and he erased it. "MORE, MORE" I drew one more and this time, he starts to swipe/erase and he stops and waves and says, "BYE DOGGIE". I almost died..

Lotsa new pictures & some video

2008-02-03T22:31:00.000-05:00

These pics were taken at our local zoo

These pics were taken

Christmas Eve at a local

Playground.

Woah! Manatee are cool!

Wow! Manatee are awesome!

Stay tuned

2008-02-01T10:05:00.001-05:00

Major blog posting this weekend. I have a lot of pictures to upload and some stories to tell. I PROMISE to do this by saturday night!

Happy New Year

2007-12-31T09:02:00.000-05:00

Happy new year everyone. This year has been multi-faceted for sure.

We are looking forward to the new adventures in 2008.

My little epicurean

2007-12-26T16:28:00.000-05:00

I am sitting in the playroom watching my kiddo play with his new kitchen. He is currently microwaving an orange celebrating that there is nothing in his fridge or dishwasher. He really likes to open and close the doors.

We went to the daycare center today for an hour. My plan is to go for an hour or so a couple of times a week until he starts full time on January 7th. I don't know if its good or bad, but its what is making me less crazy. It is weird seeing him as a kid among kids..he is so special to me and in that environment, he's just another little kid.

Our christmas day was very mellow, went to my moms. My sweet hubby fixed us all breakfast and then we opened presents. Jonas got some puzzles but the big daddy was this cool kitchen thing with all the fixins. He just loves it.

I think I am going to let myself off the hook about this blogging thing. When I don't keep up with it it bothers me. I can't imagine with school starting that I will be able to make it a priority. I will upload the latest batch of pictures before the weekend is over...then I may take a sabbatical from it. We'll see.

Hope your holidays were relaxing and without too much family drama!

Peace!

Bye Byeee

2007-12-11T23:02:00.001-05:00

Ok, so I never uploaded the zoo pictures. I will get to that by the end of the week. Just finished my first semester of graduate school. I can't belive that in less than a month I will be going full time plus working an my internship. Crazy!! Its going to be hard on all of us.

Today, Jonas and I went to the mall to get a photo with Santa. He did so well..wasn't afraid of him at all. Then I decided to just stop by Sears portrait studio to see what the deal was with that. Well, you know they roped me in! So.. trying to get a 20 month old to sit/stand/kneel in one place long enough to take a photo is nearly impossible. Unreal the stuff we had to do to get good pictures of him. He was totally freaked out by the massive camera suspending apparatus and then all the weird people...and why the heck is mommy making all those funny faces at me... It was torture. The photog was really funny, Jonas was really great. When he would get irritated, he would just walk out of the room and say BYE BYEEEE and wave. I would run out and round him up and we would try again. The photog said most kids just scream and cry...mine has the wherewithall to just remove himself from the negative stimuli. (I secretly felt kinda proud!)

We took several walk-around-the-mall breaks. In the end we got some pretty great shots. I'll post some after I send them out to family for the holiday. No fair for you all to see them first!

I know I owe you some pictures...give me a few days. I am going on an interview Thrusday morning for my internship. Tomorrow will be shopping for a damn outfit (sooo not looking forward to that).

Peace ya'll

Nuttinbutstrings

2007-12-04T10:44:00.000-05:00

I haven't been active on the blog in a while. It really is funny how inspiration comes in waves. I have decided to use the blog for its original bloggy intention (to write my thoughts and observations) in addition to the coveted Jonas updates and photos. I actually have some video and pics to upload...we went to the zoo this weekend, so I'll share those later.

I have some schoolwork to get done..I can't believe this is the last week of the semester. I start full time on January 7th...I am both nervous and excited about it. I have mixed feelings about leaving Jonas all day, but at the same time, I am excited about getting out and interacting with people and learning. (I am trying not to feel guilty about this).

Ok, so right now we are watching Jacks Big Music Show on Noggin. This is one of the only shows we watch because of all the cool music. Right now there are two guys playing violins to this awesome hip hoppy jam...I must figure out who they are...amazing.

EDIT: THE GROUP IS CALLED NUTTIN BUT STRINGZ. ITS BROTHERS TOURIE AND DAMIEN ESCOBAR , THE SONG ON THE SHOW TODAY WAS "THUNDER". THEY HAVE A WEBSITE: WWW.NUTTINBUTSTRINGZ.COM

Sadly, my son has succumed to some branding. (which may be an over exaggeration since he has never seen the tv show..) anywhoo.. my kid loves books about Thomas the Train. So, of course we had to get him a little toy Thomas, which he loves and pushes around and says., "choo choo" which may be the cutest thing ever.

Ok...I'm not focused enough to do this now. I have a long to do list for today. I will try to get the zoo photos up this evening.

Buh bye

2007-11-27T18:56:00.001-05:00

Friday after Thanksgiving marks the one year anniversary of when we met Jonas for the first time. Amazing.

Can you believe that I did not snap one freakin photograph on Turkey Day? Oh well. Nothing exciting to report. Hope you are all well.

Technical realization & Hi to Conn.

2007-11-19T08:27:00.001-05:00

I was just looking at the blog, and did you know if you

clicked on the individual pictures, they pop up larger in a different window?

Cool! Ok, you all probably knew that already didn't you.

Something you may not known is that I have a visit counter at the bottom of the page. I can click on it and see who has visited. What's weird about it is that I have some regular visitors that I do not know. This is fun and sometimes kind of scary. (makes me think its a little wierd that strangers are looking at intimate pictures of my family. But I am pretty sure there is no identifying info except our first names. Hmmm, I think I'll go check that out.)

Anyway, I am sure most of you are friends or referrals from friends.

There is one in particular from Connecticut who visits often.

I don't know who you are, but hi!

Playdate pictures

2007-11-18T21:24:00.000-05:00

So, we did it. We went to the playdate. It was a beautiful day, probably 74 degrees, blue skies. There were 5 other children and their parents. The kids are all too young to actually play with each other very much, but it was nice to be around people with a common bond. Jonas loved the slide and with the help of one of the other dads, he went down over and over.

Here are a few pictures.

Patience and a playdate

2007-11-17T10:26:00.000-05:00

So, I haven't really written in a while. The new camera has been fun and I have enjoyed sharing pictures and video with everyone.

I had a revealation today in the playroom. Jonas isn't so different from me. He wants what he wants when he wants it. When he doesn't get it, he gets mad...sometimes really mad and hits me or throws something at me. I too get mad like this, but I have impulse control! This is such basic social workey stuff and I can't believe it never occured to me. He is little and has no impulse control. This changes everything in my mind. I have to be honest...my first instinct when he hits or throws is to get MAD. Sometimes I feel stupid for not predicting the behavior and being taken off guard, but mostly I just feel mad. Having the insight that he "has no impulse control" I think will allow me more patience and less of an anger response. HOWEVER, this does not preclude me from correcting this behavior in the most loving way I can manage at the time.
I think, the best way to deal is to pay close attention and deescalate the situation before he gets to throwin' punches. This is not always practical, as it requires my intense attention to every second (which is not possible, although is my unrealistic expectation). The next best way I can come up with is taking his arm/hand and say no hitting, that hurts mommy. Give mommy gentle touches...then I show him what that means. I know, I know...its not going to work... it doesn't address that he's acting out cuz he's frustrated, but it makes me feel better doing something about it. I imagine it will get better when he can speak to me.

Second issue: I am wonder woman! Seriously! Last night (Geoffrey worked at the Emergency clinic) I was on my own with Jonas. I decided I wanted to treat myself to some sushi. Ok..so off we went. I managed a 19 month old, by myself, while enjoying an awesome sushi dinner. This was not our first meal out alone...but this place was quiet and kinda fancy. Here are the tricks.
1. Order his food as an appetizer... he got japanese style chicken mcnug's. Chicken tempura, sans the rice and dipping sauces. The food comes quick and you need the time for it to cool off, that stuff is lava hot. (also ask for a fork and knife, you'll need it to cut up the molten lava chicken,and it will cool off faster)
2. Get two sushi menu's. One for the boy to flail around and ultimately throw on the floor so the waitress has to come interact with your child, giving you ten seconds to pencil in your own order.
3. Squeeze out the edamame onto a plate for the boy to eat. He loves it and this gives you time to drink your yummy green tea.
4. Time to dispense the chicken, in small portions at a time. This gives you the illusion that he will not run out of food while you are eating so you think you can savor and enjoy your meal. Ultimately, you end up gobbleing it up to avoid the 19 mo old squirming while you are eating your Ikura.
5. Pay the bill as soon as they bring the food..no waiting around after the meal is done. This presents only a small issue if you are like an american idol judge on the service before you tip..I'm a standard 20%er..from years of working in food service, so this is not an issue for me.
6. OH! Keep the warm washcloth thingy from the begining of the meal, nice to wipe off the kiddo with.

Ta Dah!
Aside from my kid saying hello to everyone in full voice, (its a quiet little restaurant with that tinkling japanese music) we were pretty inconspicuous.

Today we are "supposed" to go to a playdate. I have only been to one...I think we will make it, my social anxiety in mommy situations is really stiffling both of us. We'll see.

Ok... off to print out the recipes I'm gonna cook for Tgiving so I can write my grocery list.

Blessings to all.

Books and music

2007-11-15T17:58:00.000-05:00

This is a good example of what our evenings look like.

Jonas really loves to listen to

his daddy play music. Gratefully, he is really loving reading books.

He hands us books(without our prompting) and

asks to get "up" to sit on our laps to read. Several times a

day he will just sit in the floor flipping through

the pages and jabbering...its so awesome!

Banjo Dancin'

2007-11-15T17:40:00.000-05:00

I don't know who is more talented. My hubby

who plays all these instruments or my son

who can dance to any genre of music.

Editing

2007-11-13T15:35:00.000-05:00

Well, I took down the video and pictures of Jonas in the dog crate, here's why.

I recently sent some pictures and a letter to the foster family he lived with in Guatemala.

I included the address to the blog..I got panicky thinking about them clicking on the blog and without the captions (which are in english and they don't read english) seeing this precious boy in a cage. I think that could be pretty upsetting. SO... that's that.

We've been spotted!

2007-11-03T21:24:00.000-04:00

Geoffrey was playing the Djembe but Jonas wouldn't dance

until he played the tray table. The look on his face when he spots the

camera is so awesome! He totally figured out I was filming him.

new puppy video

2007-11-03T19:41:00.000-04:00

We've got a new puppy!!!

2007-11-03T18:55:00.000-04:00

Ok, so... I sent Geoffrey off to do the bedtime diaper change and pajama time. I went into the kitchen to do something, and in comes this cute puppy. I swear..I thought the cuteness was LITERALLY going to kill me. My chest was fluttery and all I could say was...oh my goodness, oh my goodness, I had to sit down. (Then I jumped up and took some pictures. I have some video too but I'm having trouble uploading it. ) I think thats what joy..real joy must feel like.

I just love my new puppy!

Some cute pics from yesterday

2007-10-28T19:32:00.000-04:00

You want me to do what?
Excuse me, I have to take this call.

KABOOMY!

I fell down and falling down

is fun!

Dancing Machine

2007-10-26T18:06:00.000-04:00

Here is my darling son dancing while his

daddy is playing the guitar. Mom and I

are there cheering him on.

(For the observant ones, yes, his shorts

are on backward. You can tell because the

pockets are in the wrong direction.

We will blame daddy!)

More pics

2007-10-26T01:55:00.000-04:00

The elusive "mommy and me" photo op.

I had no idea how GINORMOUS my forehead is.

Good grief!

My smiling angel in his super cool jogging stroller.

No, noone here jogs but its awesome because it has a

good suspension and we can go off-road! ; )

I sure do love these guys!

And man do they love each other!!

Picture time

2007-10-24T20:24:00.000-04:00

Giggles with his Nena!

I just think this is the sweetest picture ever.

This is where he keeps his toys at

his grandma's house. He loves this

little cabinet. He often tries to get all the way in it.

Sitting like a big boy in his chair!

Suction cups rule!

2007-10-23T23:36:00.000-04:00

Ok, so my new favorite thing in the entire world is a bowl with a suction cup on the bottom. Wow.. I really am speechless about the wonder of this thing. It has revolutionized meals at my home.

My second favorite things is that GEOFFREY BOUGHT ME A CAMERA FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!! It was so funny.... Jonas and I were in the playroom when G got home from work. I bought Jonas these adorable one piece pajamas... Anyway, G came in to play with us before I put Jonas to bed and all I could think was...man I wish I could take some pictures of this. I suppose I must have said it outloud cuz G handed me his phone so I could take some pictures. I took a few and he took it from me. I asked for it back and he sort of huffed at me and got up. I was very confused...then he came back with a best buy bag and said...well, if you HAVE to take pictures!!! WOOOO HOOOO. He reminded me that under no terms will there be an additional birthday gift! I said...ok.

So.. I am charging things and learning about how to use it...sooo...there will be way more pictures on the blog soon. I am soooo excited!! Yay for me!

Good nite

PS...you should go to the link to the right that says MJ&J... my friends boy took his first steps this week and they captured it on video...what a hoot!

Home four months

2007-10-22T09:10:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Jonas was home with us for four months. Unbelieveable. Sometimes it feels like its been much longer, and others like he just got here. I am dissapointed that we don't have more pictures. I guess it makes sense that there aren't more pictures, because we don't have a camera! We have a digital camera that we keep at work. I will have to put a camera at the top of the list for stuff to save for. I think I'd like a digital SLR... gotta have a fast shutter speed to actually get pictures of this kid. I will do some investigating today online.

Generally things are going well. Jonas is really getting comfortable with us. He has begun "acting out" a little. He's testing boundaries....like hitting and throwing... and he has figured out how to scream at the top top top of his lungs. It must be hard to be 18 months old, that's all that I can figure. We are working it out.

Ok, that's all for now.

paper schmaper

2007-10-14T21:28:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I am totally supposed to be writing my midterm paper right now. I just got to thinking about how much my life has changed and I can't focus. This little guy is really all I think about now. Jonas is so great...he is unbelievably smart and funny. I am so looking forward to having a conversation with him. He jabbers constantly accompanied by facial expressions and hand gestures. He really has a lot to say...I just wish I could understand his language. Oh well..soon enough.

We have mastered the going to sleep thing...which is a HUGE relief. I used to have to sit in his room with him until he fell asleep and sneak out. Now, I put him in his crib, say goodnight, turn the lights out and shut the door. I think it means he is feeling safer here with us. I like that.

Ok... off to my paper, which I have seriously left until the last minute. (its due tommorrow at 8am.)

Oh well.

Oasis

2007-10-07T09:14:00.000-04:00

Jonas spent the night with his Nena last night (my mom). I got up early today...Geoffrey and the dogs were still in bed and I felt like I was doing something naughty!! Reminiscent of sneaking out of the house as a teenager. I ran through the house gathering what I needed and was in the car in record time. I turned off the Raffi cd as soon as I got in the car and turned on NPR....aaahhhh. I felt my shoulders relax. I cruised with the windows down all the way to Panera. I found the perfect spot, a little table near the window that had an electrical outlet nearby. If I'm lucky, I'll be here long enough to have to plug this computer in. I ordered my coffee and egg souffle and headed back to my little oasis.

Now, I say all this not out of lack of gratitude for my newly formed family...but out of gratitude for my newly acquired freedom to do what I want to do, if only for a few hours. I have a new appreciation for moments when I can take care of myself. If I have learned anything from these three months of parenting its, I can't give away what I don't have. I cannot pour water from an empty vessel. I have to take time to "fill myself up" so that I can give to my beautiful son.

Two friends that Geoffrey and I met in Guatemala the second time we went to see Jonas, brought their son home this weekend. They are Mike, Jessica and baby Jaden. We are so thrilled for them. Jaden is 15 months old, just 2 weeks older than when we brought Jonas home. I look forward to staying in touch with them on their journey and to be a support to them. We already have a playdate for next year at Disney. Their homecoming is making me think about bringing Jonas home and all the changes we made. I can't believe that such a little person can make such a huge impact in the world. I swear to you that I am a better person. I also have a deeper belief in a higher power. I am certain that my higher power loves me more than ever...my evidence is that I get to have Jonas.

Well...as I write I am seeing that I have turned into a thirty something sitting in a coffee shop typing on my blog on my laptop. CRAAZY!! I am so blessed.

Ok.. off to do homework..which is the real reason why I am here in the first place. I am in week 7 of my online graduate school class. Geoffrey and I are going Monday to an open house for the Master of Social Work program and to tour the daycare center on campus. Jonas is going to stay at my moms monday-wednesday and then come to school with me thursday and friday. OH!!! That reminds me... Last Friday, Jonas and I went to a place called Squkid Fitness. Its basically a gym for kiddos. We went to a "music class". My expectations were that we would be playing instruments etc... but we were just led in song by a nice lady named Miss Sandy. Jonas was not able to focus, but really enjoyed being around the other kids. My plan is to go to the YMCA two days a week starting next week and one day a week at the Squkid Fitness place. The Y has a great daycare center, and I certainly could use the work outs.

Ok... really going to do my work now.

Be well everyone!

An update and a few pictures

2007-10-04T08:41:00.000-04:00

Grandma Mary sent Jonas this awesome trailer

so he could ride behind his daddy. This was his

maiden voyage and he did really well. I wish we

could get him to keep a hat or sunglasses on.

Doesn't it look like he just got caught

doing something he wasn't supposed to

be doing? He just got this chair and

loves to get in and out of it. (yeah he's pretty

much naked, right now I can't remember

why he didn't have clothes on.)

So this is what we do in our spare time. We all sit around

naked (with our sandals on, like good hippies) and

play our bongos!

Our maiden voyage

2007-09-17T15:22:00.001-04:00

Well, we took Jonas out on his maiden voyage on our boat.

He seemed totally relaxed and enjoyed the wind in his hair.

His daddy was definately the happiest person on the boat though!

More pictures to come...

Slacker blogger

2007-09-07T10:29:00.001-04:00

Ok..I have seriously slacked off with the blogging. I vow to blog one time per week starting today. Alot is going on here...Jonas is walking all over the place...he's so cute! He is also starting to talk. He very clearly says, "No!" Mama, dada, baby, bye bye and uh oh. He also knows sign language and can tell us when he wants more or help or that he is finished.

We took a big trip up north to visit family and friends..it was a whirlwind, but it was wonderful. I have a lot of pictures to share.

Also, I started Graduate school last week. Man, its only been 3 years since I was in school but my brain got a little mushy I think. I am only taking one online class right now but I start full time in January. I am already anxious about being away from Jonas while in my internship and at classes. SIGH. We will make it work!

Ok... off to do some laundry, we still haven't recovered from our trip out of town!

Pics as promised

2007-08-06T14:34:00.000-04:00

Here are a couple of pictures from our playdate with the Guatemalan Family Group.

So here are a few pictures from our playroom

Beware of juice boxes

2007-08-04T12:59:00.000-04:00

Today we are going to our first playdate. Its being hosted by..uh..some strangers I met online! Sounds scary huh? I'll let you know if the guy from Dateline was there! Just kidding... I joined an online group of parents of children from Guatemala and today is our first playdate. I'm excited.. I've only seen Jonas with children two other times and he didn't seem too impressed.

Ok folks, so yesterday I almost drowned my son. This, I assure you, is not as bad as it sounds. We were at a gathering last evening and he was strapped in his stroller. I pulled out a small box of vanilla soymilk (like a juice box folks, but without the juice) and stuck the straw in and HOSED my son down...all over his face...directly aimed at his nose..he flailed all around...eyes closed, arms swinging around, I remember it in slow motion, it just kept going and going..I must have been squeezing the box..I really don't remember. I tried not to completely meltdown so I wouldn't scare him...he was fine. I need a few more days to recover.

Raspberries in the moonlight

2007-07-27T08:19:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone! Life has been good here. Jonas is amazing, growing and changing everyday.

Our latest ordeal is sleep. We have come to the conclusion that he must have slept in the same room as his foster family. He falls asleep well but then when we leave the room, if he wakes he screams bloody murder. We consulted an adoption medicine resource and have some new tools to implement. Last two nights have been fabulous..he's slept in the pack n play in our room. He falls asleep on his own, no screaming and its wonderful. The night before last Geoffrey tried to put him down to sleep (which I know sounds scary because of what he does for a living...but geesh..you know what I mean!!)...Anyway, I was sitting in the living room trying to read the new Harry Potter book. I turned the monitor on so I could spy on them (he he) and I hear Jonas blowing raspberries on his arm. He is REALLY good at it!! Anyway, I knew there would be no chance of rest anytime soon...but guess what??? I smiled and thanked the universe for the opportunity to be with this child. Pretty cool! I am loving my new family.

A few times around the block

2007-07-16T00:06:00.000-04:00

Ok, we are officially parents! We did the put-him-in-the-carseat-and-drive-around-the-block-so-this-kid-will-go-to-sleep move. Worked like a charm....after the two hours of other ideas we had to wear him out.

Glad I got new tires!

New shoes and a failed sleepover

2007-07-14T23:27:00.000-04:00

Well, yesterday we ended up with two new pair of shoes. HOWEVER... within one hour of the purchase, my darling son...having his diaper changed by my darling husband... well,shall we say...he SOAKED his new shoes, and not in a good way. One of those you-took-my-diaper-off-at-the-exact-wrong-time moments. Wish I had been there to see it. I saw the aftermath...I had no idea that much..uh..liquid could be in a person that small.

This evening we attempted (yes, attempted) the first sleepover at Nena's house. Geoffrey and I went to meet with some friends, and then the plan was dinner and a movie. I called after the meeting with friends to see how things were going and I could hear Jonas screaming in the background. "Do you want me to come there?" "Uh, (long pause) no." I went there, he was not going to sleep in that house. I used all my best moves! So.. we split. No crying over spilled milk or failed sleepovers in our family. We'll try again another time.

Shut up

2007-07-13T19:57:00.000-04:00

So...here's the dialogue tonight. "Honey, you could probably turn the water off now." "Nuh uh..its not high enough, its not covering his knees." "Hmph, I never let the water get that deep." "Well, I do everytime and its the best way so shut up!".

We are a little stressed... to your surprise (I am sure..) I am not the shutter upper. My darling husband is the shutter upper. I am the controlling the quanitity of water person.

We are a mess. We need your prayers/fancy dances/energy to get us through this.

Gotta go shoe shopping

2007-07-12T22:34:00.001-04:00

So, today we went into work to visit the daddy and help out with some end of quarter busy work. There were several lovely ladies there who helped my little guy walk around. He had on some sandals (that I bought..before we went to pick him up). I saw him from a distance and THEY ARE TOO SMALL. I could never tell because he was always sitting down when I put them on and I am never far away enough from his feet to see his shoes..weird..I know. Ok..stop judging me..I've only been doing this for three weeks......OH!! HA!! Three weeks TODAY!

Anyway, Nena (my mom) Jonas and I are going shoe shopping tomorrow. Apparently, I am supposed to get my child shoes from Stride Rite. I was informed that I only wore shoes from stride rite as a child, and Geoffrey said that's all he wore..sooooooooooooo off to check out the stride rite selection at Dillards.

This kid is going to be sprinting with a good pair of shoes on... hmmm..maybe I better rethink this.

First five steps

2007-07-11T15:32:00.000-04:00

Yep, you've heard it here first...Jonas took his first five UNASSISTED steps today. I don't think he had any idea that he did it. I was sitting on the floor in the playroom, talking on the phone to the daddy and he stood up and put one foot in front of the other as I counted, one,two,three,four, FIVE. He then plopped down and played with is blocks. I had a feeling it was coming soon... we'll see if it happens again today, that would be fun.

Today was also our first, sit-outside-and-pluck-grass-and-leaves-and-sticks experience. There is a nice breeze, so I spread out a blanket, took a sippy cup and his favorite toy outside. He loves the wind blowing through his (rather unruly) hair. He knew the leaf came from the tree and kept holding it up, like he wanted to put it back. I think I'm going to break out my Pentax SLR and take some pictures of this child. There is something wonderful about the click of a "real" camera.

That's all for now.

What I learned today

2007-07-10T21:46:00.001-04:00

Today I learned that I can take a shower..(including conditioner, sans leg shaving...that really would have been pushing it!) in the amount of time it takes my son to eat half of a banana cut up in little pieces. I HAD to get out of the house today and really wanted a shower.... I rolled his highchair into the bathroom w/ the aforementioned fruit. Ta Da..clean mommy, full baby..and out the door we went.

Home two weeks

2007-07-09T11:36:00.001-04:00

Home two weeks now. Life is everchanging and exhausting. Jonas is adjusting well and we are really getting to know each other. He is full of smiles and kisses..except for when he isn't! Here are a few pictures from around the house and a trip to the beach with our dear friends Larry and Mary.

We're home

2007-07-09T11:14:00.000-04:00

So, its been awhile since I've posted. We went to Guatemala on father's day and came home on the summer solstice. The transition from the foster family went smoothly as did our embassy appointment and flight home. Here are a couple of pictures from our trip: at the pool at the hotel, snacking on the plane and one at immigration in Miami.

He's coming home!

2007-06-07T12:36:00.001-04:00

We found out yesterday that we got our "Pink Slip". This is our appointment to get Jonas' visa at the US embassy in Guatemala. Our appointment is Tuesday June 19th at 7:15am. We are leaving for Guatemala Sunday the 17th and come home Thursday the 21st.

This is such a huge relief...and it comes at a great time. Geoffrey's birthday was the 5th, and today the 7th is our 10 year wedding anniversary. June will be a month full of celebrations for all of us.

Thanks again for everyones support through this grueling process. We look forward to updating the blog w/ fun stories and pictures of Jonas AT HOME WITH US!

"just keep swimming, just keep swimming"

2007-05-31T00:19:00.000-04:00

Like Dory in Finding Nemo...

I've gotta , "just keep swimming". In the meantime,

here are pictures of my beautiful boy in the pool on my last visit trip.

Here we go again!

2007-05-29T08:55:00.000-04:00

Today we are supposed to be resubmitted to the US Embassy for our "pink appointment". (a refresher) Jonas can't leave Guatemala and come to the US w/o an immigrant visa. Paperwork is submitted and then we are given an appointment date to acutally go to the embassy and file for the visa. The visa is issued the day after the appointment. According to my calculations, that last dates they gave out were around June 7th. I'm not sure what the holiday does to the dates..we'll see. Hopefully we will be notified of our pink appointment in the next few days!

What now, you say?

2007-05-27T02:56:00.000-04:00

We have what we need to be resubmitted to the embassy to get our Visa appointment. Because Monday is a holiday, we have to wait until Tuesday to be resubmitted. It seems reasonable to me that we will know his Visa appointment next week sometime. I expect to travel somewhere around June 10th. This is just my prediction...I have no idea what will really happen.

2007-05-23T02:43:00.000-04:00

Just reminding everyone what we are waiting for!

Weary

2007-05-20T01:36:00.000-04:00

Ok, so most of you know that we have hit yet another brick wall in this adoption. Its a long story, but instead of being issued a date when we should go get Jonas, we got information that we had to go get re-fingerprinted and they would put his visa on hold until we did that. Our fingerprints "expired"...I won't get into how horrible the whole thing is..but we went this morning to get re-fingerprinted.
I am not sure how quickly things will move from here. It depends on the FBI, Department of Homeland Security and the Citizenship and Immigration Service. (know do you know why I have no idea what will happen when?) I am just hoping at this point to have him home by the end of June. Uh.. he will be almost 15 months at the end of June.

I am weary.